Saturday, May 9, 2009

Shut The Fuck Up: Nick Cannon Edition

This is exactly the type of thing that I'm looking for to put in this new weekly (or more than that depending on how much fuckery occurs in one week) post that I'm starting today.

Ladies and Gentlemen, the very first "Shut The Fuck Up" Award goes to the luckiest bastard on the planet, the very talent-less Nick Cannon.

"I’m taking full action on you Eminem. I don’t know why no one has stood up to your bitch ass yet. But I guess it’s going to take a corny, wack rapping, boy toy from Nickelodeon to set you straight. And trust, I am going to be relentless. Even though I got a lot of other obligations and occupations, you are my new full time job “homey”! I asked myself should I go find this Bitch and just whoop his little ass? Let’s not forget about Eminem’s amateur mixtape rants of calling African Americans Nigger and how he hates “Black Bitches”. How did we let him get away with that in the first place?! He is a natural born racist in disguise. Someone tell this coward that he finally barked up the wrong tree. This is my invitation to you, whenever and wherever you like sir. So when you come out of your introverted hiding place and ask your bodyguards if you can go out and play by yourself, I’m here Pimp!"

Courtesy of The Smoking Gun, spotted over at my favorite hip-hop site on the internet.

If ya'll click the big block of dumbness that resides above, you can read his full four page essay that he wrote. Now don't get me wrong I'm all about defending your woman's honor, shit I'm the first nigga to P. Diddy somebody with a Ciroc bottle if they get outta pocket with my girl, but you gotta realize what battles you can win and what battles are gonna leave you in a hospital bed. Eminem is from Detroit, Nick Cannon is from where? Exactly. I know quite a few D-Town niggas. Detroit is not Malibu, regardless of what your skin color is. I'll put a hundred million dollars down that Eminem would scrub the ground with this clown.

And then he goes on to play the race card? What?!?! Is he seriously trying to turn the "black community" against Eminem? Yes, read that again. What?!?! Umm... he practically saved 50 Cent's life, made Dr. Dre a plethora of dollars, and basically put Detroit hip-hop on the map. Eminem has done a lot for hip-hop, and a lot for black people, and you gonna go that route? Nick Cannon you are a fucking idiot. Pronounce the "g" when you read that. This ladies and gentlemen is what I like to call reaching.

Reaching (v.) - the act of taking something small, manipulating the facts,and bending the truth in order to help one's argument, often to help sway the people to their side.

So in conclusion, Devin Miles needs to "Shut The Fuck Up" and go on somewhere, before I go get that bald head nigga to make you polish the drums again.

Naw I'm not hating, just ranting a little, so what sue me. Week Number two coming soon. Let's see how long I can keep this up.



aaronValentine said...

LMAO!!! this nigga wanna "fight" eminem. It's like a small nigga in the nba tryin to get gully wit a big nigga cuz he know they gonna break it up before anything happens. He can say that cuz he KNOWS it would never happen. And please let us all pray that this nigga don't try to get back on the mic...

Alex Richey said...

umm.... your best blog ever maybe? nick cannon is a dumbass and they need to have another season of wildin' out because this makes him a world class comedian

Hi-Definition said...

I don't know what's wrong with this nigga. Like I said... I'm all for holding it down for your woman... but shit, if Anderson Silva call my ladybug a Cunt I'm just gonna have to accept that she is a cunt.